Friday, June 13th, 2008

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What’s it all worth?

There comes a point where you just love someone. Not because they’re good, or bad, or anything really. You just love them. It doesn’t mean you’ll be together forever. It doesn’t mean you won’t hurt each other. It just means you love them. Sometimes in spite of who they are, and sometimes because of who they are. And you know that they love you, sometimes because of who you are, and sometimes in spite of it.

Laurel K Hamilton
Incubus Dreams

Today’s question is: Why bother with a relationship at all and When should you bail? I’m talking here, again, about MRs as defined in my previous posts and not young relationships which revolve around raising kids and building wealth.

After all, relationships can take a lot of energy. While a good one is fantastically fullfilling, a bad one can suck you as dry as a mummy’s kiss. People at our stage of life don’t have that many good years left, so why waste any of them on a situation which isn’t working?

I feel personally, that if you can’t look up at your partner at any point in time and have a sixty to eighty percent chance of feeling lucky, from your head to your toes, just to be involved with that person, then it isn’t worth it.

That doesn’t mean that you never fight or that everything is roses either. I’ve often been blindsided by bliss in the middle of an argument . Even if the fight is really bad, sometimes I’ve looked up at M and just heard this voice in my head saying: You lucky SOB.

You’ll often hear it said that relationships take work, but I don’t think the good ones do. Rather they just flow. An artist doesn’t need discipline to work on his painting or poetry, because its what he loves to do most. The only discipline an artist needs is to know when to quit so he doesn’t completely burn himself out.

The only kind of work a good relationship should demand is the same kind an artist uses. An artist looks at something they have brought into being and says to themselves: That’s really good. What can I do to make it better? Or else: Ooops, that isn’t what I had in mind. What can I do to get closer to my vision?

I think the main reason why people say relationships need work is because they are trying to make something work which is seriously flawed or past its expiry date, and at some stages of life that is a valid thing to do, especially when kids or money are involved. Overall, though, I think that grinding away year after year working on your relationship is just cock-eyed. The thing that is supposed to fulfill you and complete you like nothing else can is consuming your life force instead.

That’s when you find yourself echoing the old japanese saying: Life is licking sugar off broken glass!

Category: Relationships